I was living the definition of insanity: continuing to do the same thing over and over but expecting different results. In my case I was attending drug rehabilitation program after drug rehabilitation program. Seven to be exact. Yet, at age 40, I was still a heroin addict.

Each of the programs I attended were staffed with psychologists and counselors. They talked about brain chemicals not firing and looked at what was wrong with me mentally. Their rehabilitation system required that I either recover on my own or with the help of Valium and anti-depressants to deaden my mental anguish, and methadone to combat my heroin addiction.

To me that seemed like trading one set of problems and dependencies for another. But I wanted to be free of the anguish that addiction caused not only me, but also my loved ones. So I would try again what hadn’t worked before, somehow thinking the outcome would be different this time.

My problem however, was not only head related. It was also heart related. It included years of hiding insecurities and all of the actions I took that separated me from the God I knew from childhood. I had been raised in the church but I had left God a long time ago. Could I find him again? Would the God who designed me also be able to fix me?

I decided to find out, and at age 40, for my eighth drug rehabilitation attempt, I chose to try something different: a one-year Christian recovery program. It included intensive Bible training, work skill development and daily discipline. There, the Jesus who had been a story book character to me as a child, became my Lord and Savior. I realized that I didn’t have to do this alone, or with ‘legal drugs,’ I had the Holy Spirit inside of me to help.

During the year I participated in the program, I was being refined into the man God had created me to be. In addition to delving deep into God’s word, we spent hours of community service work, learning to give rather than just receive. It was here that God revealed my purpose to me: to testify of His love to others who were enslaved in an abusive lifestyle. It was also where he gave me a vision of my future. My vision was revealed in a dream in which I saw a beautiful woman who was to become my wife.

As part of the recovery program, our group would attend services at a variety of churches. After the dream, I would eagerly scan every congregation wondering, “Is my future wife here, right now?” Then I heard God say, “Quit looking for her. You won’t find her here. You aren’t ready for her yet.” I felt ready, but He was right.

After I graduated, I joined Mercy Ships, for a three year ocean-going mission. I was able to be in the mission field, in part, through the financial support of my pastor and home church back in Texas.

I had no real skill set but Mercy Ships needed someone in the engine room. Between the rocking boat and the diesel fumes filling my lungs, I was roiling with seasickness. The Brazilian engineer with limited English, instructed me to lift up the deck plate and throw up there. As I lifted the deck plate and begin to retch, I heard God ask, “What are you doing?”

“What does it look like?” I answered, not in the mood for God’s humor. “I’m so sick.”

“Get up and praise me,” I heard.

I remembered the deliverance I had from addiction, so, I put the deck plate back in place, got up, and started to dance and lift my hands unto the Lord, praising Him for deliverance from seasickness.

Although a believer, the engineer had never seen anything like it. We were both glad that after that I was redeemed and never experienced seasickness again.

While on board, God continued refining me and once again I asked God for the Christian wife He had shown me.

Six weeks after joining Mercy Ships, we reached our first destination: the Dominican Republic. Our ship was met by the doctors and nurses who were going to bring not only physical healing, but a salvation message to those in need. It was then that I first saw the woman of my dream, in person. She was a nurse on my Mercy Ship and her name was Debbie.

Had she had a dream with me as her husband? Would it be too bold to go up to her and introduce myself, telling her that God had picked her out as my wife?

God granted me wisdom and I did not reveal her future to her when we were first introduced. Instead, she and I became friends. After the nurses and doctors had operated on patients, we’d go to remote areas, taking a generator and Jesus videos and we’d share our testimonies. Afterwards, sometimes Debbie and I would grab ice cream before heading back to the ship.

She was only with the ship for three weeks before she went on to a different assignment. After two years of writing to each other, we were both on an outreach mission together in Mexico City. That’s when and where I let her know that I believed God wanted us to have a relationship.

I wish I could say the rest is history, but our story stopped abruptly. She said she wasn’t ready. I was hurt and although we no longer communicated directly, I continued to get her mission newsletters.

I continued on at Mercy Ships, going home to Texas twice a year. During this time, God planted it on my heart to start a ministry in Texas similar to the one in Alabama that had helped deliver me from my addictions. I prayed and fasted. God asked what I would name the ministry. During my drug years, I had loved the band The Grateful Dead, so I came up with Gratefully Alive.

The Lord had other plans. He directed me to Genesis 49:10 where “Jacob prophesied over his sons, this scepter will not depart from Judah, nor a lawgiver from between his feet until Shiloh comes.” My ministry was to be called Shiloh. While I shared my vision with my pastor, I did not share the name or scripture that God had placed in my heart.

In 1996 I joined the church staff, and the following year, the founder’s son and I were driving around a rural area about 20 minutes from the church. He said “We have some old buildings that were given to us. They are just sitting there, not being used. We thought you might be able to use them for your ministry. It’s the old Shiloh Church.”

Things were coming together. Then God instructed me to call Debbie. God had been working on her too, refining her, and she was ready for a relationship. Together, the Lord gave us a vision. We walked the land, praying over it and prophesying over the buildings, speaking of the deliverance the men would find here. We took photos and put together a portfolio of our plans that we shared with the church and others.

The church staff had prayed over the ministry. They gave us the keys to the buildings, a van and sent us out.

Debbie and I married in 1998 and based on Romans 6:4 we started Shiloh Ministries in 2000. Our goal is to eradicate addictions in the lives of men and direct them how to live a victorious life in Christ.  Since then, we’ve had more than 230 men complete the year-long program which consists of more than 800 hours of Bible Study in which we do not just read the Word but explore it to reveal life applications and to empower men that no matter what they have done or gone through, they can overcome their addictions and be productive and prosperous. Each man will have accumulated over 1,000 hours of community service before he graduates.

Men come to Shiloh for a variety of reasons: court order, to please a family member, to find God, to re-establish a relationship with God, as a last resort.  We have strict rules, earned rewards and self-inspection.  Not all men who enter the program graduate. But all men who enter meet God. It’s their choice where to go from there.

Learn more about Shiloh here.